Father Duck’s early attempts at Nursery Rhymes weren’t always successful. For example, The Real Jack and Jill…
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And was like “Dude! Really? Who puts a well at the at the top of a hill? I mean COME ON. What’s a boy gotta do to get indoor plumbing?!?.
After Katrina rejected his “Valenswine (click here to read),”Father Duck was heartbroken, having lost the love of his life. Until one day, she overcame her shyness and her true feelings were revealed.
Little Father DuckLittle Father Duck
Come kiss your pig.
Though you are small
And I am big.
You’ll marry me
It’s meant to be.
Someday we’ll have
A duck-piggy.
Hickory Rickory RidgeHickory Rickory Ridge
The cat went to the fridge
His thirst was foiled
The milk was spoiled
Hickory Rickory Ridge
Nilly Jo-Peep, and her hidden sheep.
Nilly Jo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where they went.
She’s awfully dumb,
They’re under her bum,
Someone should give her a hint.
In his Junior year attending Rhyming UniNursery, Father Duck met an enchanting pig named Katrina. He immediately fell in love. Following is a poem and illustration Father Duck created for a valentine to win the heart of his divine swine.
Father Duck and his beloved Katrina
The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
The skunk doth stink, and so do you.
I’ll plug my nose, if you’ll be mine
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?
Thy pudgy face, it’s got me shaken,
Thou art so hot, you should be bacon.
I’ll love you forever, my dear pork rind,
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?
Sadly, Katrina squealed and waddled wee wee wee wee all the way home, leaving Father Duck heart broken andwondering “where did I go wrong?”
Before there was Mary and her little lamb, Father Duck told the tale of Larry, and his giant pig. A cautionary tale of the dangers of taking your pet pig to school.
Larry riding his pig.
Larry had a giant pig,
Its butt was fat and wide;
And everywhere that Larry went,
The pig gave him a ride.
He rode him to school one day,
Which wasn’t very cool.
For when he went to lunch.
They fed him to the school.
Three Blind Mice? I think not. Try Tone Deaf Ducks. Tone Deaf Ducks is a rhyme Father Duck wrote about his three uncles: Bob, Jose and Marty. The Three ducks formed a barber shop quartet along with future Men Without Hat’s front man Ivan Doroschuk. Ivan left the group after a dancing incident in which he broke his arm caught between Jose doing the Cabbage Patch and Marty doing the Running Duck. He would go on to write the song The Safety Dance to encourage the trio to calm their violent dancing ways.
Mother Goose would later “borrow” Father Duck’s poem and rewrite it about less violently dancing and less horribly singing visually impaired mice. Sadly Bob, Jose and Marty have been all but forgotten. On a brighter note, they still sing as horrible as ever and are planning a comeback.
Tone deaf ducks. Tone deaf ducks.
Hear how they quack. Hear how they quack.
They sing out of tune and miss every note,
Their voices a cross of a frog and a goat,
Did you know such a sound could come out the throat,
Of tone deaf ducks.
Tone Deaf Ducks
Little Jack Horner was never intended to be a good boy. How can the simple act of sticking your thumb in a pie categorize you as a “good boy.” As far as I’m concerned, sticking your thumb in a pie categorizes you as ”not so bright boy.”
Originally written by Father Duck with the title Little Jack Hornest, it was a cautionary Nursery Rhyme about bears and the dangers of sticking your thumb in their éclair.
Little Jack Hornest,
Sat in the forest,
Eating a honey éclair;
He put in his thumb,
Then thought “man I’m dumb,”
For it really belonged to a bear.
Little Jack Hornest
Little known fact: Hey Diddle Diddle was originally a joint effort between Mother Goose and her cousin Father Duck. It was part of a collaborative writing assignment they completed while attending Rhyming UniNursery. In fact, this Nursery Rhyme is so old that when she wrote it, Mother Goose was no Mother. They simply called her Goose. Upon achieving fame, Goose dropped both the second verse and credit toward Duck for fear of being overshadowed by his far superior prose. Here is the original version.
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Bye diddle diddle,
This caused such a riddle,
For the spoon was betrothed to the fork,
But the fork got his wish, the spoon left the dish,
And the two soon had a baby spork.
Spoon, Fork, and Baby Spork
This week’s installment of Father Duck’s Nursery Rhymes presents to you Little Miss Mumpus. Mother Goose of course stole her Little Miss Muffet poem from Father Duck’s original. As you will see, this version is far superior.
Little Miss Mumpus
Sat on her rumpus
Eating beans all the day.
Along came a spider
To sit down beside her
But instead was blasted away.
Little Miss Mumpus
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