In his Junior year attending Rhyming UniNursery, Father Duck met an enchanting pig named Katrina. He immediately fell in love. Following is a poem and illustration Father Duck created for a valentine to win the heart of his divine swine.

Father Duck and his beloved Katrina

Valenswine

by Father Duck

The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
The skunk doth stink, and so do you.
I’ll plug my nose, if you’ll be mine
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Thy pudgy face, it’s got me shaken,
Thou art so hot, you should be bacon.
I’ll love you forever, my dear pork rind,
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Sadly, Katrina squealed and waddled wee wee wee wee all the way home, leaving Father Duck heart broken andwondering “where did I go wrong?”

Before there was Mary and her little lamb, Father Duck told the tale of Larry, and his giant pig. A cautionary tale of the dangers of taking your pet pig to school.

Larry riding his pig.

Larry Had a Giant Pig

By Father Duck

Larry had a giant pig,
Its butt was fat and wide;
And everywhere that Larry went,
The pig gave him a ride.

He rode him to school one day,
Which wasn’t very cool.
For when he went to lunch.
They fed him to the school.

GREASY HILL DUCK POND – The Tone Deaf Ducks are staging a comeback, armed with a new album and a tour. Their new album titled “Perfect Disharmony” is slated for a July release. Following is their first new single and the cover art from their CD….ear plugs not included.

Listen to Come Take a Swim in My Pond

New CD Artwork

Come Take a Swim in My Pond – Lyrics

Under my feathers you’ll see
You’re the only hen for me
I want to kiss you upon the bill
That would be coolio
Sometimes I wish you would. Fly away with me
But it’s only a dream
But I wish you would. So Bad. Baby

Come take a swim in my pond
(that would be coolio)
You’re looks are just like a wand
(They cast a spell on me)

Don’t worry if you. Can’t float
I have those blow up ring things
I’ll blow one up. For you
Then you will float. Coolio
Sometimes I wish you would
Dive for fish. so I could see your tail feathers
But I wish you would. So bad. Baby
You better come take a swim in my pond.

Come take a swim in my pond
(that would be coolio)
You’re looks are just like a wand
(They cast a spell on me)

Going against all logic, The Tone Deaf Ducks once set out on tour. Father duck wrote the following poem about their adventures. When asked about Mother Goose’s Nursery Rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub being a rip off of this poem, Father Duck simply replied “I can’t blame her for changing the words. After all, I would rather be with three men in a tub than with three Tone Deaf Ducks on a bus.”

Three Ducks on a Bus

By Father Duck

Gus-a-fuss-fuss,
Three ducks on a bus;
And who do you think they be?
Marty, and Jose,
And Bob are on their way;
Tone Deaf Ducks all three!

Gus-a-fuss-fuss,
Three ducks on a bus;
Where are they on their way to?
They’re going on tour.
Why? I’m not sure.
They sing like the stink of a shoe.

Tone Deaf Ducks Tour

By Jeff Duckworth
Todd the pig had brains of slop,
He wasn’t very bright.
So to school he had to go,
To learn to read and write.

He didn’t learn a single thing,
He chose a different route.
He chased the girls who wore pigtails,
And so they kicked him out.

Click here to read original Todd Poem.

A Pig Named Sue

A Pig Named Sue

by Jeff Duckworth

Do you know Sue? She thinks she can fly.
She thinks she’s a fairy. I do not know why.
She knows of the ground, but not of the sky.
She knows of low down, but not of up high.

Sue made some wings, she made them of wood.
Held together with tape, they weren’t very good.
Then she flew far, as far as she could.
But found herself standing right where she had stood.

By Jeff Duckworth

Asleep? In bed? Why am I not in bed?
My reason is good,
Listen you should.
Of why I’m not in bed.

Jumping. Leaping. A hopping in my bed!
A platypus,
Is all a-fuss.
Just bouncing in my bed.

So there. You see? Why I’m not in bed.
Up I’ll stay,
Until he’s away.
I will not go to bed.

A boy whom wishes he had a rock.

If I Had a Dog

By Jeff Duckworth

If I had a dog I think I’d call him Larry
I’d like him kinda big, I’d like him kinda hairy
And very sharp teeth, well maybe not very
For a sharp teethed dog would be kinda scary

I’d teach him to get dirty, to do doggy stuff
And if he couldn’t bark, I’d teach him to say ruff
And if he were afraid, I’d teach him to be tough
And if he gets a flea, I’ll gladly scratch his fluff 

I wish I had a dog, but sadly I do not
A boring pet rock is sadly all I got
But maybe someday, If I wish a lot
A dog to name Larry, I’ll finally get a shot