Nilly Jo-Peep, and her hidden sheep.

Nilly Jo-Peep

by Father Duck

Nilly Jo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where they went.
She’s awfully dumb,
They’re under her bum,
Someone should give her a hint.

In his Junior year attending Rhyming UniNursery, Father Duck met an enchanting pig named Katrina. He immediately fell in love. Following is a poem and illustration Father Duck created for a valentine to win the heart of his divine swine.

Father Duck and his beloved Katrina

Valenswine

by Father Duck

The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
The skunk doth stink, and so do you.
I’ll plug my nose, if you’ll be mine
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Thy pudgy face, it’s got me shaken,
Thou art so hot, you should be bacon.
I’ll love you forever, my dear pork rind,
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Sadly, Katrina squealed and waddled wee wee wee wee all the way home, leaving Father Duck heart broken andwondering “where did I go wrong?”

Going against all logic, The Tone Deaf Ducks once set out on tour. Father duck wrote the following poem about their adventures. When asked about Mother Goose’s Nursery Rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub being a rip off of this poem, Father Duck simply replied “I can’t blame her for changing the words. After all, I would rather be with three men in a tub than with three Tone Deaf Ducks on a bus.”

Three Ducks on a Bus

By Father Duck

Gus-a-fuss-fuss,
Three ducks on a bus;
And who do you think they be?
Marty, and Jose,
And Bob are on their way;
Tone Deaf Ducks all three!

Gus-a-fuss-fuss,
Three ducks on a bus;
Where are they on their way to?
They’re going on tour.
Why? I’m not sure.
They sing like the stink of a shoe.

Tone Deaf Ducks Tour

Three Blind Mice? I think not. Try Tone Deaf Ducks. Tone Deaf Ducks is a rhyme Father Duck wrote about his three uncles: Bob, Jose and Marty. The Three ducks formed a barber shop quartet along with future Men Without Hat’s front man Ivan Doroschuk. Ivan left the group after a dancing incident in which he broke his arm caught between Jose doing the Cabbage Patch and Marty doing the Running Duck. He would go on to write the song The Safety Dance to encourage the trio to calm their violent dancing ways.

Mother Goose would later “borrow” Father Duck’s poem and rewrite it about less violently dancing and less horribly singing visually impaired mice. Sadly Bob, Jose and Marty have been all but forgotten. On a brighter note, they still sing as horrible as ever and are planning a comeback.

Tone Deaf Ducks

By Father Duck

Tone deaf ducks. Tone deaf ducks.
Hear how they quack. Hear how they quack.
They sing out of tune and miss every note,
Their voices a cross of a frog and a goat,
Did you know such a sound could come out the throat,
Of tone deaf ducks.

Tone Deaf Ducks

By Jeff Duckworth

A Bath? A Bath? Why am I not in the tub?
My reason is good,
Listen you should.
Of why I’m not in the tub.

Splashing. Sloshing. A scrubbing in my tub!
A crocodile,
Is all a-smile.
Just scrubbing in my tub.

So there. You see? Why I’m not in the tub.
Out I’ll stay,
Until he’s away.
I will not get in the tub.

By Jeff Duckworth

Asleep? In bed? Why am I not in bed?
My reason is good,
Listen you should.
Of why I’m not in bed.

Jumping. Leaping. A hopping in my bed!
A platypus,
Is all a-fuss.
Just bouncing in my bed.

So there. You see? Why I’m not in bed.
Up I’ll stay,
Until he’s away.
I will not go to bed.

Roomingo

by Jeff Duckworth

Tired of Cocka doodle-dooing,
and life in a chicken pen.
A rooster flew south one night,
Wound up with a new girl-hen.

A beautiful flamingo was she,
They hatched an egg together.
What a site it was to see,
a rooster of pink feather.

A boy whom wishes he had a rock.

If I Had a Dog

By Jeff Duckworth

If I had a dog I think I’d call him Larry
I’d like him kinda big, I’d like him kinda hairy
And very sharp teeth, well maybe not very
For a sharp teethed dog would be kinda scary

I’d teach him to get dirty, to do doggy stuff
And if he couldn’t bark, I’d teach him to say ruff
And if he were afraid, I’d teach him to be tough
And if he gets a flea, I’ll gladly scratch his fluff 

I wish I had a dog, but sadly I do not
A boring pet rock is sadly all I got
But maybe someday, If I wish a lot
A dog to name Larry, I’ll finally get a shot