The Real Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And was like “Dude! Really? Who puts a well at the at the top of a hill? I mean COME ON. What’s a boy gotta do to get indoor plumbing?!?.

Adrift

My mouse turned one year old today,
So I bought her a gift.
A balloon, what a bad idea!
My mouse is now adrift.

Nilly Jo-Peep, and her hidden sheep.

Nilly Jo-Peep

by Father Duck

Nilly Jo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where they went.
She’s awfully dumb,
They’re under her bum,
Someone should give her a hint.

In his Junior year attending Rhyming UniNursery, Father Duck met an enchanting pig named Katrina. He immediately fell in love. Following is a poem and illustration Father Duck created for a valentine to win the heart of his divine swine.

Father Duck and his beloved Katrina

Valenswine

by Father Duck

The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
The skunk doth stink, and so do you.
I’ll plug my nose, if you’ll be mine
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Thy pudgy face, it’s got me shaken,
Thou art so hot, you should be bacon.
I’ll love you forever, my dear pork rind,
Won’t thou be my Valenswine?

Sadly, Katrina squealed and waddled wee wee wee wee all the way home, leaving Father Duck heart broken andwondering “where did I go wrong?”

Oh Bob. You and your breathe. Bob, one of Father Duck’s classmates at Rhyming Uninursery, had a strange hunger for onions. Father Duck wrote this poem in hopes that Bob would take note and fix his problem. Mother Goose would later steal his idea, adapting it for Jack Be Nimble.

Bob Be Hungry

Bob Be Hungry

By Father Duck

Bob be hungry,
Bob be dense,
Bob ate onions
And now needs mints.

Before there was Mary and her little lamb, Father Duck told the tale of Larry, and his giant pig. A cautionary tale of the dangers of taking your pet pig to school.

Larry riding his pig.

Larry Had a Giant Pig

By Father Duck

Larry had a giant pig,
Its butt was fat and wide;
And everywhere that Larry went,
The pig gave him a ride.

He rode him to school one day,
Which wasn’t very cool.
For when he went to lunch.
They fed him to the school.

By Jeff Duckworth

A Bath? A Bath? Why am I not in the tub?
My reason is good,
Listen you should.
Of why I’m not in the tub.

Splashing. Sloshing. A scrubbing in my tub!
A crocodile,
Is all a-smile.
Just scrubbing in my tub.

So there. You see? Why I’m not in the tub.
Out I’ll stay,
Until he’s away.
I will not get in the tub.

By Jeff Duckworth

Asleep? In bed? Why am I not in bed?
My reason is good,
Listen you should.
Of why I’m not in bed.

Jumping. Leaping. A hopping in my bed!
A platypus,
Is all a-fuss.
Just bouncing in my bed.

So there. You see? Why I’m not in bed.
Up I’ll stay,
Until he’s away.
I will not go to bed.

Roomingo

by Jeff Duckworth

Tired of Cocka doodle-dooing,
and life in a chicken pen.
A rooster flew south one night,
Wound up with a new girl-hen.

A beautiful flamingo was she,
They hatched an egg together.
What a site it was to see,
a rooster of pink feather.

By Jeff Duckworth